Rioting Redeemed through Act of God
LONDON, WASHINGTON, D.C., MUMBAI and BERLIN – After three weeks of rioting that spread from London to nearly every large city in the world, resulting in countless deaths and even more injuries, a phenomenon appeared in the sky above cities such as Sao Paulo, London, New York, Mumbai, Beijing, Madrid, Mexico City, Paris, Cairo, Tokyo and Lima. It is being hailed by many as a message from a higher power ushering in a new age of justice and equality – in the form of rainbows.
The phenomenon began shortly after the police in those cities, aided by the military, had finally managed to crush the protests and protesters that took to the streets to demand justice and their rights as human beings. As tanks and military vehicles around the world chased the few remaining survivors of the cities affected by the riots into dark alleys and “disappeared” them, rain began to fall, washing away the blood that had flowed from the bodies of women, children and citizens of nearly every age, victims of a few who had attempted to “provoke violence and foment unrest at the expense of their fellow country people,” said President Barack Obama in the first official non-military response to the events many have deemed “Dog Days Doomsday.”“But what we have seen this month, the bloodiest month in the history of the world, including both World Wars, is that no one group of individuals can keep people from finding freedom from the oppression of a few. Clearly, only the government, and in particular a government with a strong military industrial complex, can end the life of suffering that so many racked by poverty, displaced and dispossessed, and in many cases deprived of what we in the West call natural human rights, had to suffer until this week.”“In time we will all say that the billions of people who suffered and died from the actions of these few hundred millions have not died in vain, when the history of this incident is written by White House Press Staff and their equivalents in other countries. Or whenever we finally get down to crafting the messaging regarding this difficult time in the lives of so many governments.”Shortly after the rain, these signs from above, as many refer to them, were interpreted merely as the result of rain.“But clearly this was a very pessimistic view,” said Chancellor Angela Merkel of the former Germany, now know as German Solid State Engineering. “We began alerting our remaining citizens to the reality that these were, in fact, a sign that the turmoil and fear and violence they and their families, neighbors, pets, associates and nearly all of our country’s more undesirable elements had the misfortune to fall victim to was in fact, over. And this was a sign for hope and peace that might perhaps last a thousand years, if our calculations were accurate.”“I spoke with Chancellor Merkel in the last week of this period of unfortunate chaos, and our thoughts were eerily aligned,” said Mr. Obama. “Like me, her heart went out to an entire world struggling to make sense of this. But we saw that the time for action would come, and that we would be able to transition into something much more peaceful, stable, and friendly to markets.”In different countries, people started to take note of these spectacles that filled their skies. “I knew it was a sign,” said Bobby E. Leigh of Sydney, Australia, “like the sign He had given man before that once the flood was over, we would never have to suffer through that again. And even counting the tsunamis and stuff, that has been technically accurate.”“You must believe,” said Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, “and not only because we are telling you to. I mean, last night, we had another rainbow. It was a double rainbow. Almost a triple rainbow. Oh my god.”One former member of government spoke with this reporter not for attribution, out of respect for the authority of the head of his country.“This event has tugged on the hearts of many, as Mr. Obama said, although I had the strings of my heart surgically removed many many years ago, and so have lost this capacity. But I know that others might feel it, based on memory from my very very very early youth.”Residents of different countries have called the phenomenon by different names: The Ghandi Light, Cinturon de Chavez, Evangelion Number 13, and Martin Luther King, Jr. Avenue, but the effect has been the same – to instill in the world’s people a sense of hope that was, for that nearly three weeks, almost entirely gone.British Prime Minister David Cameron, whose country was the place the riots that would engulf the world began, said that the time has come for healing. “No one could have predicted the violence that ensued from the acts of aggression of people with no respect for the rule of law, or for the abuse of that rule of law by their country’s law enforcement.”“We can only hope that we never see this time again,” said Cameron. “Which is why I am announcing shortly that a new election will be held this fall to affirm this country’s confidence in its government.”“Just as these rainbows have followed on the heels of a very tough time, so our governments, in the United Kingdom and the world, will respond in ways that reflect the gravity of the situation.”“Given the renewed optimism that now exists, and the incredible efforts that people have already made to put systems of government back in place, we can all remain hopeful.”“There is nothing perhaps more magical than a rainbow, or the double rainbows that have been seen in nearly every part of the globe. The only thing more magical would be unicorns. But only slightly more magical.”In a sentiment echoed by leaders in nearly every country, Cameron summed up his feelings.“I have never been prouder to lead this country.”# # #