Realization Hits Hard: "Girls really do just want to have fun."

published December 6, 2011AMES, IA – Like many in a similar situation, 43 year old Phil Gluecott has found the transition to single life after his divorce more difficult that he imagined. As he struggles to create a daily routine to complement his busy work schedule, he’s also engaged in a process of self-discovery that has led him to question some of the beliefs he held dear about who is he is as an individual and concepts like community and reciprocity.“One insight that came to me pretty quickly is that girls really do just want to have fun,” said Gluecott.“It sounds silly but the women I’ve been meeting are strangely disinterested in the details of my divorce and the 13 years and 8 months I spent in a committed relationship with my ex-wife, Cheryl. For whatever reason, it seems to be a barrier that I can never really cross when it comes to helping prospective soul-mates understand the person I am becoming.”Lost and Found Lounge in Ames’ Campustown area is Gluecott’s preferred destination for these voyages of self-discovery. Gluecott, who agreed to be interviewed there for this story, says the clientele is friendly, attractive, and uniquely unburdened with much of the baggage he sees as the inevitable fallout of failed relationships.“The first few visits I was encouraged by the freedom with which shots could be exchanged, decent prices and the bartender’s light elbow,” he said. “But after a few drinks and some dancing, I often want to take time to reflect on my journey and topics like my disbelief over my ex-wife’s unwillingness to meet me for coffee on Sunday mornings after a night on the town, or her quickness to anger when I’ve called at an hour she feels is inappropriate.”Brittney Kusher is one of the Lost and Found’s patrons who’ve provided much needed support as Gluecott tries to re-enter single life.“It’s always flattering when a man wants to buy you a drink, or two even, and in spite of the age difference on a couple of evenings we’ve been able to develop a nice rapport,” said Kusher. “My graduate program can be very stressful and it’s great to be able to talk to someone who has been there before, who understands the struggle and who’s genuinely interested in making me laugh. Such a nice change from the men I’ve been meeting my age, who think everything has to be so serious.”But the casual nature of his post-marriage relationships has also become a challenge for Gluecott as he explores his newfound status.“I was hanging at Lost with my buddy [Jim Dugan, seated at the booth where the interview was conducted] who’s also recently divorced, and we were talking to a couple of women who had caught our eyes, really nice ladies open to experiencing another person in a way that my ex-wife Cheryl had lost interest in probably three years ago. They asked us what we did and I replied that we were like Cyndi Lauper, two guys out on the town who just wanted to have fun.“They didn’t know who Cyndi Lauper was, but what was most upsetting was that the profound insight reflected in the statement was lost on them.“These are insights that I’ve worked really hard to achieve, and clearly these are the types of understandings that develop only when you’re emerging from a time as difficult as the one I’ve been having since Cheryl and I decided to split.“In the end, it’s interactions like this that leave me feeling more than a little nostalgic for married life.”“Yeah,” added Dugan, placing a supportive hand on Gluecott’s shoulder, “it can get a little lonely.”# # #