Slugger: Without a new contract, how am I going to feed my great-great-great-great-great grandchildren?

published September 22, 2011

ST. LOUIS  – St. Louis Cardinals outfielder Josh Rodriguez, and his demands for a new contract, have been the focus of sports fans across the country for the last two weeks. His contract will set the market for future players, and as seen as a referendum on the value of baseball in this mid-sized city.“I don’t want special treatment,” said Rodriguez in an interview with KNDL. “I just want what I have earned. This team’s success is totally a result of my production. It would be foolish to think otherwise. I find it hard to believe that the ownership doesn’t recognize this.”Rodriguez is entering the final year of a eight-year contract he signed in 2003. The club holds a $20 million option for 2012, but Rodriguez has stated his peace of mind, and future production, is dependent on this validation of his worth.“I’ve made a living in this game, but to be able to provide for the next eight generations of my family, I need the peace of mind that only a heavily armed compound and the gross domestic product of a country like Moldova can provide.”Over the course of his career, Rodriguez has earned $186 million. But he has created a ground swell of support from fans for his demands.“Say if I am facing a good pitcher, and there are men on second and third in a close game, do the fans really want me thinking about how I can single-handedly eradicate poverty for the next eight generations of my family? Does ownership?  I have seen the hardships of being poor first hand, and this is something I never want my great-great-great-great grandchildren to experience,” said Rodriguez.”I mean, with the way things are going, the money I make now will only be worth one one  hundredth of its current value by then. You can’t expect my great-great-great-great grandchildren to live through that. I can’t imagine anymore, but I suspect it would be hell on earth.”Ownership has held fast to their position that Rodriguez has to earn the money, and that another year of production is the minimum requirement.“Suppose we were to cave to his demands? We are on the hook for that?” asked team president Ted Paramount. “We are taking all of the risk here. If, for some reason, attendance fell to levels of five years ago, that’s only about 15,000 fans a game. Our accountant, who graduated top of his class from an exclusive Ivy League university, tells us that it would take us at least 15 years to recover our original investment that way, if we hadn’t already six years ago. That is a chance we can’t take.”“In addition, that would represent a significantly lower return than the other assets in our portfolio. Say we cave to his demands, and then the other investments in our portfolio decide they need to be compensated as well. It sets a very dangerous precedent.”“All I know is, there were rumors that the team was considering a player, who is not even in my same league,” Rodriguez said. “Why would they pay him?” When asked who the player was and why he wasn’t in the same league, Rodriguez responded, “He’s some guy in AAA. He hasn’t played a game in the majors yet. Whereas I have earned this show of respect.”“Does he want to be a billionaire?” said Paramount. “I have been there, and it’s no cake walk. The pressures I am under every day are unbelievable. He talks about his next eight generations, but I have 12 generations to worry about.”“This is a long-term investment for me.”Season ticket holder Greg Armisen voiced the concern of fans.“Look, I pay a lot of money, in the tens of thousands, for my box seats. I want to protect the value of that investment. There are plenty of other things I could be doing, but I choose to come to baseball games. I mean, it’s the American past time. And I like baseball as well, I guess.”Added Rodriguez, “Who cares if this planet will be hardly recognizable by the end of that time? My great-great-great-great grand children will recognize it. And probably as something that none of us now, the way we are going, would ever want to live through. I can’t have that on my mind, facing a reliever like the one I faced yesterday with the bases loaded in the ninth, and down two runs. With that type of distraction, it’s possible I could fail to perform, as I did yesterday.”Asked about the reason he decided to bring the issue up now, when the team is merely one game out of the division lead during the last week of the season, Rodriguez said, “I don’t know. But I am pessimistic, based on the lack of progress made this year.”Asked about the basis of this pessimism, Rodriguez answered, “It’s just a feeling I have. Plus I heard something the other day on FOX that sort of got me thinking, that the federal government was having financial issues of its own. I can’t say for sure, but I think so.”When he asked reporters if they had heard similar claims, they looked at each other blankly. To which Rodriguez responded, “I don’t know either, but I blame this whole fiasco on the effect of the liberal media.”# # #